In this episode of No Hard Feelings, EDJ, Kristen and Emily explore the complex history and cultural significance of surnames, particularly focusing on the tradition of women changing their last names. They discuss the historical context of coverture, the evolution of women's rights, and the impact of naming conventions across different cultures. The conversation also delves into modern practices in queer relationships, the legal and political implications of name changes, and the intersection of identity and faith. Throughout the episode, the hosts emphasize the importance of personal choice and reflection in navigating these topics, ultimately inviting listeners to consider what their surnames mean to them. Subscribe to our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod ·         Coverture definition: English Common law defining a married woman's legal identity as suspended and merged into her husband's, creating a single legal entity. A wife couldn't own property, sign documents, sue in their own name. Things like "Mrs. John Smith" convention come from this. ·         History: English tradition that began sometime after the Norman Conquest around the 11-15th Century;  ·         In 1765, is when it was codified into English law which is part of how it became a piece of both American and Australian tradition.    ·         Lucy Stone became the first recorded American women to insist on keeping her birth name in 1855 and there were other laws in the mid 1800s that allowed property ownership and changed some inheritance laws. ·         1966 is when the US Supreme Court states covertures was "obsolete" but it was still in existence in at least 11 states. Within the 1970s - with the rise of feminism and continued Supreme Court rulings laws requiring women to change their name were far more widely removed.  ·         Only about 20% of women keep their birth name currently. ·         Patronymic names - surname based on the given name of a person's father/paternal lineage - ie Danish tradition "Christiansen" literally means "Christian's Son." or in Russian "Ivanovich" would be Ivan's son. Some Scandinavian traditions also used "datter" for a female child. ·         Hispanic tradition - generally 2 surnames. First surname represents the paternal line and second surname the maternal line. Women typically keep their name after marriage and children then take the first surname of each parent. So Juan García Martinez marries Maria Lopez Rodriguez and their child is Anna Garcia Lopez. See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surnames_by_country#English-speaking_countries ·         No default tradition in queer partnerships. Options: keep, hyphenate, combine, create new name. ·         Legal navigation in states with varying protections. While still protected federally under Obergefell and Respect for Marriage Act, Tennessee alone has advanced five anti-LGBTQIA+ marriage bills THIS WEEK ·         Voter registration and ID laws require exact name matches. ·         Marriage/divorce name changes complicate registration. ·         Administrative burden often falls on women ·         Hosts delve into "unsolicited advice" at the end of the episode, discussing deconstruction, adult music choices and church attendance. ·         Stay tuned for the next episode of No Hard Feelings where we will unpack the purpose of church during deconstruction some more! Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members.   

Raised in an agnostic family in Adelaide, Australia, Jason John studied zoology because he wanted to work with animals. After these scientific studies, Jason experienced a spiritual transformation that led him to became a six-day creationist, no-sex-before-marriage Conservative Evangelical with a dose of the Charismatic and a dash of Pentecostalism. At theological college he discovered that Christianity was a very broad umbrella, re-embraced evolution and, though married himself, advocated for a more open approach to sexuality within the church. He explores the intersection of science, Christianity, politics and Earth Care as an ordained minister and founder of ecofaith.org. Jason is also a performance poet and author. Listeners of this podcast can download his book Faithful Fornication: Bacteria, Bonobos the Bible and Beyond for free from ecofaith.org/freebies, password SpiritualMisfits, with the hopes that they will rate and review it on Goodreads and Amazon. Jason has B.Sc in Zoology and a Post Grad Diploma in Environmental Studies from Adelaide University; B.Min & PhD in Theology from Flinders University. In this episode of the Where Do We Go From Here podcast, host EDJ and Jason John explore Jason's journey from agnosticism to Christianity, the impact of purity culture on the church, and the evolution of human relationships. This conversation delves into the contrasting creation stories of the Bible and scientific evolution as well as the role of Jesus in modern Christianity. They discuss the importance of open and deeply honest communication in relationships and the past, present, and future of monogamy. Jason's book "Christian Sex Today" was attracting the wrong kinds of readers. Conservative Christians found it too progressive and progressives assumed it was conservative and weren't picking it up. So, Jason changed the title to "Faithful Fornication." When he became a Christian Jason initially rejected his scientific studies to embrace a literal 6-7day creation story. When he attended seminary, Jason learned that not all Christians reject evolution and he was able to re-negotiate his Christian beliefs in light of his scientific studies. Jason contrasts the Genesis creation stories with the evolution story: In the beginning…life reproduced asexually. EDJ and Jason discuss how life evolved from asexual reproduction to hermaphrodite and homosexual reproduction and eventually to heterosexual reproduction and the implications for Christianity. Jason elaborates on gametes and DNA including the unique (and exquisite) DNA of the platypus. The Bible should be approached as a historical document rather than a literal guide. Jesus' teachings emphasize love, grace, and acts of kindness and service to one another. This is a conservative view and yet it stands in contrast to American-Evangelicalism which has an over-emphasis on sexual behavior and identity and an under-emphasis on the beatitudes and Jesus' more challenging teachings. EDJ and Jason touch on the history of monogamy, polyamory, polygamy and polygyny and where homo sapiens' may be headed. Jason talks about Freud and the invention of the vibrator to treat women with "hysteria" by inducing orgasms. Women have a very similar libido to men. Open communication is essential in relationships to avoid secrecy and shame. Domestic abuse is a critical issue that needs to be addressed within the church. Human relationships are evolving, with changing views on monogamy and commitment. To listen to the entire 73min episode for free, subscribe to our Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members. 

In this episode, Katherine Spearing discusses her experiences with spiritual abuse, particularly within the contexts of purity culture and the Christian Patriarchy Movement. She shares insights on how these environments shape beliefs about gender roles, emotional labor, and personal values. The conversation explores the dynamics of cult-like behavior in religious communities, the importance of consent, and the journey towards healing from spiritual trauma. Katherine emphasizes the need for diverse communities and the significance of understanding one's own emotions as a pathway to recovery. Takeaways: ·         Many churches perpetuate patriarchal values under the guise of spirituality. ·         Spiritual abuse often uses religious texts to control behavior. ·         Purity culture is overt spiritual abuse that can lead to significant emotional and psychological harm. ·         Women are often conditioned to prioritize perfection over bravery. ·         Emotional labor disproportionately falls on women, even in egalitarian settings. ·         Spiritual bypassing can invalidate genuine feelings of grief and sadness. ·         Differentiation of feelings is crucial for healthy relationships. ·         Healing from spiritual abuse requires understanding personal values and emotions. ·         Diverse communities provide essential support for recovery from spiritual trauma. Katherine has a Masters of religion and culture. She grew up in an extreme Christian patriarchal movement (a cult) and has worked for several evangelical churches. After leaving spiritually abusive workplaces, she went on to found Tears of Eden, a nonprofit supporting survivors of Spiritual Abuse, producing and hosting its groundbreaking affiliate podcast Uncertain, which pioneered pivotal conversations around Spiritual Abuse and has been quoted in scholarly articles, seminary papers, and PhD dissertations. Her book, A Thousand Tiny Papercuts was published in October 2025. Find Katherine on Instagram: @katherinespearing & @tearsofedenofficial And websites: www.katherinespearing.com & www.tearsofeden.org Jess' Archive Bundles (available until 28 February 2026): • The Jess and Devi Show (2021–2025) – $30 • The Jess and Friends Show (2025) – $10 Discounts available for paid and free Patreon members. 

This episode marks the final chapter of Where Do We Go From Here? hosted by Jess, and it's centred on a deeply personal, wide-ranging conversation with long-time co-host and author Eady Jay. At the heart of the episode is an interview about Eady's latest book, Reconstructing Sexual Ethics, a part-memoir, part-theological work that traces her journey from growing up in Australian evangelical purity culture to reimagining a Christian sexual ethic shaped by grace, consent, dignity, and justice. The conversation moves fluidly between personal story and theological reflection, including: Eady's early public commitment to abstinence and the "virgin vs vixen" binary she was placed into as a teenager How purity culture shaped desire, shame, mental health, and expectations around marriage Why deconstruction alone isn't enough, and what reconstruction actually requires The vulnerability and risk of speaking about sex personally, not just abstractly Reframing Christian sexual ethics around consent, love, and lived experience Navigating progressive and conservative tensions without collapsing into certainty The episode also includes the regular Thoughts & Prayers segments: Unsolicited Advice for Christians on Reddit, including a candid discussion about "body count," virginity, and the long shadow of purity culture A closing Prayer of the People, holding space for grief, justice, transition, and hope This episode is both a farewell and a handover, honouring what this space has held while opening the door to what comes next. Get the Bundles: The Jess and Devi Show Bundle - $30USD (++ on iOS) The Jess and Friends Show Bundle - $10USD (++ on iOS) If you're looking for discounts as a previous Patreon member, send a request via email to: wheredowegofromherepodcast@gmail.com  Links Mentioned / Relevant Resources Eady Jay's website and bio: https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com Reconstructing Sexual Ethics (book): https://evangelicaldeconstructionjourney.com Patreon archive bundles: https://www.patreon.com/wheredowegopod/collections Making Biblical Womanhood by Beth Allison Barr (mentioned in discussion) Sheila Wray Gregoire's work on consent and arousal non-concordance (referenced) If you're looking for support after sexual assault (USA) If this episode brings things up for you, you're not alone, and help is available. Healing support does not require certainty, a clear memory, or a particular story. You deserve care simply because something hurt you. Immediate and confidential support: RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) Chat online at rainn.org Available 24/7. Free, confidential, and anonymous.

In this special Ask Jess Anything episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess opens the vault and shares one of the most personal conversations from behind the Patreon paywall. As Jess prepares to step away from the podcast she founded, she reflects honestly on purity culture, sex, faith, parenting, creative burnout, and what it's like to leave a space you helped build. Listeners submitted their questions with no topic off-limits, and Jess answers them with the clarity, nuance, and vulnerability that has defined the show for the past five years. In this episode, Jess talks about why she's stepping back from podcasting, the emotional and physical toll of documentary filmmaking, her experience making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and her complicated relationship with Joshua Harris and the film's legacy. She also shares how purity culture did (and didn't) shape her marriage and sex life, how her views shifted after her first kiss and first sexual experiences, and how she's thinking about consent, bodies, and faith as a parent to young twins. Jess also reflects on content creation, Patreon, monetisation, and the tension between integrity and algorithms in today's creator economy. This episode serves as both a thank-you to longtime listeners and a thoughtful handover as EDJ steps into the future of the podcast. Some sections of this episode have been intentionally edited for public release, with a small number of moments remaining exclusive to Patreon for personal safety. In this episode, we explore: Why Jess is stepping away from Where Do We Go From Here? What an "Ask Me Anything" revealed about her deconstruction journey Purity culture, sex, shame, and agency First kisses, first sex, and dismantling fear-based narratives Parenting without purity culture Creative burnout, documentary filmmaking, and boundaries Patreon, paywalls, and the realities of independent podcasting What happens to the archive and how to access it for a limited time If you've been with the podcast for a short time or a long time, this episode is a moment of reflection, closure, and gratitude. 🎧 Note: A limited-time archive of previously paywalled episodes is currently available via Patreon before it is permanently removed. Link for Collections: Jess & Devi Show - $30USD Jess & Friends Show - $10USD 

In this special Ask Jess Anything episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess opens the vault and shares one of the most personal conversations from behind the Patreon paywall. As Jess prepares to step away from the podcast she founded, she reflects honestly on purity culture, sex, faith, parenting, creative burnout, and what it's like to leave a space you helped build. Listeners submitted their questions with no topic off-limits, and Jess answers them with the clarity, nuance, and vulnerability that has defined the show for the past five years. In this episode, Jess talks about why she's stepping back from podcasting, the emotional and physical toll of documentary filmmaking, her experience making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, and her complicated relationship with Joshua Harris and the film's legacy. She also shares how purity culture did (and didn't) shape her marriage and sex life, how her views shifted after her first kiss and first sexual experiences, and how she's thinking about consent, bodies, and faith as a parent to young twins. Jess also reflects on content creation, Patreon, monetisation, and the tension between integrity and algorithms in today's creator economy. This episode serves as both a thank-you to longtime listeners and a thoughtful handover as EDJ steps into the future of the podcast. Some sections of this episode have been intentionally edited for public release, with a small number of moments remaining exclusive to Patreon for personal safety. In this episode, we explore: Why Jess is stepping away from Where Do We Go From Here? What an "Ask Me Anything" revealed about her deconstruction journey Purity culture, sex, shame, and agency First kisses, first sex, and dismantling fear-based narratives Parenting without purity culture Creative burnout, documentary filmmaking, and boundaries Patreon, paywalls, and the realities of independent podcasting What happens to the archive and how to access it for a limited time If you've been with the podcast for a short time or a long time, this episode is a moment of reflection, closure, and gratitude. 🎧 Note: A limited-time archive of previously paywalled episodes is currently available via Patreon before it is permanently removed. Link for Collections: Jess & Devi Show - $30USD Jess & Friends Show - $10USD 

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess sits down with Erin Moon, writer, podcaster, and author of I've Got Questions, for a deeply honest conversation about purity culture, faith deconstruction, curiosity, and what it looks like to stay tethered to God while letting certainty fall away. Erin reflects on growing up fully immersed in evangelical purity culture, including the long-term impact it had on her body, marriage, and sense of self. She shares candidly about why deconstructing purity culture can take decades, how shame keeps so many people silent, and why asking questions is not a failure of faith but an expression of it. Together, Jess and Erin explore why curiosity was discouraged in many evangelical spaces, how political power and Christian nationalism accelerated Erin's own deconstruction, and what it means to be "suspicious of certainty" while still loving scripture. Erin also discusses her work as Resident Bible Scholar on Faith Adjacent, the shift from The Bible Binge, and why humour, humility, and community matter when navigating heavy theological terrain. This episode is for anyone who feels unmoored by faith questions, is re-examining purity culture, or is trying to stay connected to God without suppressing their doubts. It's also for parents, partners, and loved ones who want to better understand the deconstruction journeys happening around them. In this episode, we cover: Growing up "all in" on purity culture and its long-term effects Why sexual shame doesn't magically disappear after marriage How asking questions can deepen faith rather than destroy it The role of politics and power in evangelical disillusionment Being curious without demanding certainty Reading scripture with humility and openness Why community matters, both online and in real life Erin's book I've Got Questions and the companion guided journal Resources & Links: Erin Moon's website: https://www.erinhmoon.com I've Got Questions by Erin Moon: https://www.erinhmoon.com/book I've Got Questions: Guided Journal: https://www.erinhmoon.com/journal Faith Adjacent podcast: https://faithadjacentpod.com If you've ever felt afraid to ask questions about faith, sexuality, scripture, or God, this conversation offers permission, honesty, and hope.

What happens when algorithms profit from our outrage? In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess is joined by Emily and Kristen to unpack a piece of viral rage bait that sparked intense online reactions around dating, loneliness, and gender. Using a widely shared clip from a Diary of a CEOinterview as a case study, the hosts slow the conversation down and ask a different set of questions. Rather than reacting, blaming, or feeding the algorithm, they practice what they call their No Hard Feelings muscle: noticing emotional responses without immediately responding fact-checking claims and statistics zooming out to full context questioning binaries like men vs women, single vs partnered and sitting with nuance instead of certainty The conversation explores how statistics can be used as authority without accountability, how loneliness is often conflated with relationship status, and why phrases like "childless women" are emotionally loaded and culturally shaming. The hosts challenge the idea that romantic partnership is the primary solution to loneliness and ask whether community, friendship, and social structures deserve more attention. They also examine how social media incentives reward division, why rage bait spreads so effectively, and how engagement itself becomes a vote for more of the same content. Along the way, they discuss dating apps, emotional labour, shifting gender expectations, declining birth rates, and the difference between correlation and causation when it comes to health outcomes and relationships. This episode is not about defending or cancelling anyone. It's about learning how to engage thoughtfully in a culture that thrives on outrage, and asking what kind of social, economic, and relational conditions actually make connection feel safe and chosen. If you've ever felt angry, defensive, or exhausted after watching a viral clip about dating or gender, this episode invites you to pause, breathe, and think again.

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jess is joined by scholar and author Sara Moslener to discuss her latest book, After Purity, and the deeper political, racial, and theological forces behind evangelical purity culture. Sara argues that purity culture was never only about sex. It was about power. Drawing on years of academic research and firsthand stories from the After Purity Project, she traces how purity culture trained white women to equate obedience, self-denial, and innocence with moral authority, patriotism, and faithfulness. These ideals, she explains, are inseparable from Christian nationalism, white supremacy, and the politics of "innocence" in the United States. Together, Jess and Sara unpack how purity culture relied on the myth of innocence while simultaneously hyper-sexualising girls and young women. They explore how evangelical movements claimed their work was "not political" while actively shaping national policy, sexual norms, and racial hierarchies. The conversation also examines the limits of white feminism, the problem of disembodiment, and why healing from purity culture requires more than reclaiming sexuality alone. This episode is for listeners who want to understand why purity culture caused so much harm, how it intersected with race and power, and what it means to reckon honestly with faith, feminism, and national identity after deconstruction. Topics include: Purity culture as a political and racial project Innocence, power, and Christian nationalism White feminism and its limits Disembodiment and bodily shame Evangelicalism, race, and sexual ethics The After Purity Project and lived experience   Core Readings Referenced in This Episode After Purity — Sara Moslener Pure — Linda Kay Klein Making Chastity Sexy — Christine J. Gardner Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl — Harriet Jacobs White Tears / Brown Scars — Ruby Hamad The Myth of Colorblind Christians — Jemar Tisby

In this episode of Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ reflect on the year that's been and wade into some of the most tender questions facing Christians who are rethinking faith, sex, and dating after purity culture. Drawing from listener submissions and Christian Reddit threads, they explore what happens when the old rules no longer work. How do you choose a partner without a checklist? What does consent look like in Christian dating? Is celibacy still meaningful if it's chosen freely rather than enforced by shame? And how do you stay anchored in faith while deconstructing long-held beliefs? The conversation moves between personal stories, cultural critique, and pastoral honesty. Jess and EDJ unpack how purity culture shaped women's bodies, desire, and self-worth, including the overlap between sexual repression and diet culture, modesty, and shrinking oneself to feel "safe." They talk candidly about dating privilege, power dynamics in church spaces, and why "waiting for the right one" can sometimes be a way of avoiding real connection. The episode also addresses grief and solidarity in the wake of violence, reflecting on the Bondi attack and the courage and humanity displayed in its aftermath. As always, Thoughts & Prayers closes with a communal prayer, holding space for listeners wherever they find themselves on their faith journey. This episode is for anyone navigating Christian dating after purity culture, wrestling with deconstruction without wanting to lose their faith, or trying to rebuild a sexual ethic rooted in consent, agency, and love rather than fear. Topics include: Christian dating after purity culture Consent, agency, and sexual ethics Celibacy as choice vs obligation Deconstruction without deconversion Dating privilege and power in church spaces Purity culture, diet culture, and women's bodies Faith, grief, and communal prayer

In this episode of Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ reflect on the year that's been and wade into some of the most tender questions facing Christians who are rethinking faith, sex, and dating after purity culture. Drawing from listener submissions and Christian Reddit threads, they explore what happens when the old rules no longer work. How do you choose a partner without a checklist? What does consent look like in Christian dating? Is celibacy still meaningful if it's chosen freely rather than enforced by shame? And how do you stay anchored in faith while deconstructing long-held beliefs? The conversation moves between personal stories, cultural critique, and pastoral honesty. Jess and EDJ unpack how purity culture shaped women's bodies, desire, and self-worth, including the overlap between sexual repression and diet culture, modesty, and shrinking oneself to feel "safe." They talk candidly about dating privilege, power dynamics in church spaces, and why "waiting for the right one" can sometimes be a way of avoiding real connection. The episode also addresses grief and solidarity in the wake of violence, reflecting on the Bondi attack and the courage and humanity displayed in its aftermath. As always, Thoughts & Prayers closes with a communal prayer, holding space for listeners wherever they find themselves on their faith journey. This episode is for anyone navigating Christian dating after purity culture, wrestling with deconstruction without wanting to lose their faith, or trying to rebuild a sexual ethic rooted in consent, agency, and love rather than fear. Topics include: Christian dating after purity culture Consent, agency, and sexual ethics Celibacy as choice vs obligation Deconstruction without deconversion Dating privilege and power in church spaces Purity culture, diet culture, and women's bodies Faith, grief, and communal prayer

This Christmas Eve, we're unwrapping a special gift for everyone. Normally, our Rom-Com Recaps are exclusive to our Patreon partners, but for December we're sharing this one on the main feed as a thank-you and a holiday treat. In this episode, Jess is joined by Bri from our Patreon community to recap and unpack Happiest Season. The 2020 holiday rom-com starring Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis set out to be a festive queer love story, but left many viewers divided. We dive into: The central relationship between Abby and Harper and why it frustrated us more than it warmed our hearts The emotional cost of closeting a partner and where consent breaks down Why Dan Levy's character delivers the most honest moment in the entire film The chemistry that arguably should have changed the ending Whether this movie was made for queer audiences or about them How family pressure, image management, and unspoken expectations shape holiday dynamics This conversation goes beyond a simple movie review. We talk honestly about coming out, family roles, emotional labour, and why "happily ever after" sometimes feels unearned. If you love rom-coms, have complicated feelings about Christmas, or have ever watched a holiday movie and thought "wait… this isn't actually okay," this episode is for you. 🎁 A Christmas gift from us to you. Enjoy. For access to the RomCom Recap of Saved! simply sign up as a free or paid member at patreon.com/wheredowegopod

Summary: In this episode of No Hard Feelings, Jess, Emily, and Kristen take on one of the most timeless questions for Christians navigating doubt and deconstruction: Can you question your beliefs without losing your faith? Jess shares reflections from making I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye with Joshua Harris and a recent conversation with her boss who's struggling not to "throw the baby out with the bathwater." Emily walks us through James Fowler's Stages of Faith Development and Kohlberg's Moral Development, offering a developmental lens for understanding why deconstruction can actually be a sign of growth rather than loss. Kristen brings warmth and honesty to the emotional fallout of leaving evangelical spaces, exploring how community, inclusion, and re-reading Scripture through a "Jesus lens" can help rebuild faith on new foundations. Together, the trio asks: What is the "baby" we're trying to keep? Is it Jesus? Love? Mystery? The creeds? And can we learn to hold uncertainty as a form of faith itself? Timestamps: 00:00 — Intro: What even is the baby and the bathwater? 04:00 — Jess on Joshua Harris, Josephine Butler, and modern deconstruction 13:00 — Emily explains Fowler's Stages of Faith and what they reveal about deconstruction 30:00 — Where we are now: bouncing between Stage 4 and 5 35:00 — Kristen's story of leaving church and finding belonging again 48:00 — So what is the baby? Defining what's worth holding onto 57:00 — Ancient creeds, mystery, and rediscovering Jesus 1:02:00 — Closing reflections: curiosity, courage, and faith that grows up Links Mentioned: I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye documentary James Fowler, Stages of Faith (1981) https://www.ngumc.org/files/fileslibrary/james+fowlers+stages+of+faith.pdf "Religious Deconstruction: The Process, Themes, and Psychosocial Dynamics…" (academic dissertation) https://www.proquest.com/openview/ba405ff9b1a90e17f43a39de1ddf40b3/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=18750&diss=y Josephine Butler biography (When Courage Calls by Sarah C. Williams) Patreon community: patreon.com/wheredowegopod Keywords for SEO: faith deconstruction, Fowler stages of faith, Joshua Harris, evangelical deconstruction, progressive Christianity, exvangelical podcast, Christian faith development, Kohlberg moral development, losing faith, reconstructing faith, deconstruction without deconversion, No Hard Feelings podcast

In this special interview, EDJ sits down with writer and cultural critic Anna Rollins, author of Famished, to talk about the haunting overlap between purity culture, diet culture, and the ways women learn to shrink themselves — in body, desire, and voice. With honesty and nuance, Anna speaks about her own story, the systems that shaped her, and the practices she's now reclaiming. This is an episode for anyone who grew up equating holiness with self-erasure, or who has ever sensed that controlling the body is often a proxy for controlling sexuality, worthiness, and belonging. In this conversation, we explore: ✨ The shared logic between purity culture and diet culture — and why both teach women that their bodies are a threat ✨ How thinness, obedience, and "good girl" energy become spiritualised ✨ Anna's journey through disordered eating and recovery ✨ Why evangelical spaces often reward self-denial but punish desire ✨ The shame-fear cycle that forms when food, sex, and worth collapse into each other ✨ How Anna rebuilt a relationship with her body, appetite, and autonomy ✨ The theological stories that keep harmful systems alive — and the better ones that can replace them EDJ and Anna also dig into the deeper question this podcast always circles back to: What happens when we stop starving ourselves — physically, spiritually, and emotionally — and start living as whole people? ⚠️ Content warning: This episode includes discussion of diet culture, disordered eating, and a reference to sexual assault. Take care of yourself as you listen.

In Part 4 of our On Premarital Sex series, Jess and Devi wrap up the conversations that have taken over your DMs and headphones all month long. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts, vocational celibacy with Peter Valk and Dr. Dani Treweek, and abstinence as a chosen path, this final episode brings everything together. This is the debrief: ✨ What the history of contraception has to do with Christian sexual ethics today ✨ Why the church's teachings rarely match the actual behaviour of Christians ✨ Staggering data on premarital sex among churchgoing Christians ✨ How purity culture still shapes even our "deconstructed" ethics ✨ Why a one-size-fits-all sexual ethic has never really existed ✨ How listeners describe their experiences of pressure, shame, freedom, and discernment Jess shares vulnerably about realising she had carried old purity-culture assumptions about sex into her adult Christian life — even long after "deconstructing." Devi traces how the invention of reliable contraception changed human sexuality forever, and why these shifts make blanket church rules harder to justify. You'll also hear how the early church understood celibacy (hint: it simply meant "unmarried"), why the Reformation reshaped the entire Western view of singleness, and how modern Christians are reclaiming celibacy, abstinence, and ethical sexuality in wildly diverse ways.

In Part 3 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie return to the conversation that shaped so much of this podcast's early years: How do you make sexual decisions when you've left purity culture behind? This episode features psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), who helps us unpack: ✨ Why "premeditation" isn't sinful — and why preparing (with protection, consent, communication) is essential for safety and flourishing. ✨ A harm-based definition of sexual sin that moves beyond black-and-white rules. ✨ Why sex without vulnerability becomes self-serving, and how discernment matters more than behaviour policing. ✨ How purity culture taught us to ignore our bodies, and why learning your own anatomy and emotional cues is part of sexual integrity. ✨ How Christians can use discernment, agency, and self-knowledge to make decisions about sex that align with their values, not fear. ✨ Why boundaries shift in healthy relationships, and how to navigate that without shame. ✨ Listener stories on abstinence, boundary-setting, trust, and dating outside the purity-culture mindset. Jess and Debbie also speak frankly about the disconnect between what churches teach and what Christians actually do — including staggering stats showing high rates of premarital sex among regular churchgoers. This episode doesn't tell you what to do. Instead, it gives you information, tools, and frameworks to help you make thoughtful, grounded decisions — with God, community, your therapist, and your own wisdom. For more, listen to our Patreon-only episode where Jess and Debbie unpack Mathias' Four Paradoxes of Sex. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner

In Part 2 of our most-downloaded series On Premarital Sex, Jess and Debbie turn the conversation toward the other side of the sexual ethics spectrum: celibacy. After exploring progressive sexual ethics with Mathias Roberts in Part 1, this episode asks a different set of questions: What does celibacy really mean? How is celibacy different from abstinence? Can celibacy be a dignified, intentional Christian calling—not just the default for "other people"? And what does celibacy look like for straight Christians, queer Christians, divorced Christians, widows, and everyone in between? Jess and Debbie speak with two remarkable guests: Peter Valk A licensed professional counsellor, director of Equip, and co-founder of the Nashville Family of Brothers—a Christian brotherhood for men called to vocational singleness. Peter shares: What vocational celibacy is (and isn't) How he discerned his call Why celibacy can be an expression of sexuality, not a suppression How celibate Christians cultivate intimacy and family Why discernment should be part of every Christian's vocational life Dr. Dani Treweek Theologian, Anglican deacon, and director of Single Minded. Dani reframes celibacy through church history and Scripture: The difference between lifelong celibacy and present-moment abstinence How Western Christianity lost its theological grounding for singleness Why celibacy is a fully human expression of sexuality The grief, ambiguity, contentment, and spiritual depth involved in choosing abstinence How eschatology ("we will be like the angels") changes everything Together, these conversations reimagine celibacy as beautiful, purposeful, communal, and deeply Christian—not a failure, not a holding pattern, not an afterthought. You'll also hear listener stories on abstinence, asexuality, unexpected celibacy, and why some Christians feel more freechoosing sexual abstinence after leaving purity culture. ✨ PLUS: A bonus Patreon-only episode where Peter and Dani go deeper into monastic rhythms, family beyond the nuclear norm, and the theology shaping their choices. Join us at wheredowegopod.com/partner Equip Your Community – Peter Valk Nashville Family of Brothers Dani Treweek — Single Minded Ministry Dani's doctoral work: The End of Singleness Marriage, A History – Stephanie Coontz Beth Allison Barr, The Making of Biblical Womanhood Survey link for the upcoming listener episode on premarital sex (anonymous submission)

In this re-release of one of our most downloaded series, Jess and Debbie revisit a conversation listeners return to again and again: What does a Christian sexual ethic look like after purity culture—especially when it comes to premarital sex? Joined by psychotherapist and author Mathias Roberts (Beyond Shame), Jess explores the shift many Christians face when leaving the purity culture framework behind. If you've ever wondered: How do I make sexual decisions without the old rulebook? What counts as "sexual sin" if I don't use purity-culture categories? How do I navigate shame, desire, and discernment? What does open, healthy communication look like when dating or considering sex? …this episode is for you. Mathias unpacks the role of shame, the paradoxes of sex, how to discern your own ethics, and why "What do I actually want?" is a surprisingly essential spiritual question. Jess shares candidly about her own late-in-life first kiss and the untangling that followed. You'll also hear real listener advice about navigating dating, boundaries, and sex after purity culture — from Christians just like you who are rebuilding their sexual and relational lives with honesty and hope. Whether you're dating, single, celibate, married, queer, questioning, or somewhere in the messy middle, this episode offers tools rooted in self-knowledge, faith, and compassion. ✨ Part 2 on reimagining celibacy is coming next month ✨ Hear our Patreon-only deep dive on Mathias' "Four Paradoxes of Sex" at wheredowegopod.com/partner Beyond Shame by Mathias Roberts MathiasRoberts.com Instagram: @mathiasroberts

In this episode of Where Do We Go From Here?, Jessica sits down with somatic sexologist Lydia Adéla to explore how embodiment, safety, and self-awareness can transform our experience of sexuality. Lydia shares her journey from believing she was "broken" and unable to feel pleasure, to becoming a practitioner who helps others reconnect to their bodies and experience intimacy without shame. Together, Jessica and Lydia unpack how religious conditioning, purity culture, and unrealistic media portrayals shape our sexual disconnection—and how we can begin to heal. This is a powerful and grounding conversation for anyone learning to listen to their body again and move from performance to presence. In this episode: Why pleasure is a learnable skill and not something we're "born good at" How shame, modesty culture, and disembodiment block arousal and connection The role of safety, breath, and sensory awareness in rediscovering pleasure Why orgasm isn't the end goal—and how slowing down brings deeper intimacy What somatic sexology and body-based healing can teach us about faith, freedom, and love Resources Mentioned: Lydia Adéla's website Bonnie Bliss — Somatic Sexuality Educator Training The Great Sex Rescue by Sheila Wray Gregoire Redeeming Sex by Debra Hirsch Keywords: Lydia Adéla, somatic sexology, embodiment, sexual shame, purity culture, Christian sexuality, faith and the body, orgasm gap, consent, pleasure education, sexual healing, women and faith, Jessica Vanderwyngaard

In this month's Thoughts & Prayers, Jess and EDJ dive into what's been stirring in our community conversations — from purity-culture myths about "saving sex for marriage" to what it means to reclaim feminine wisdom in a patriarchal church. The hosts reflect on the latest No Hard Feelings discussion about abstinence and sexual compatibility, explore how our theology has shaped women's bodies and pleasure, and unpack insights from Edie J's interview with Angela J Harrington, author of Embracing the Odd Witch in the Woods. They also take listener questions from Reddit — tackling Christian dating, women initiating relationships, and setting boundaries with partners navigating addiction. And, as always, the episode closes with a moment of prayer in the spirit of the Anglican Prayers of the People, holding space for our world, our bodies, and our courage to question. In this episode: Does abstinence before marriage really equal better sex? Re-educating ourselves about desire, consent & female anatomy Deconstructing patriarchy and reclaiming feminine wisdom Addiction, boundaries, and compassionate love Women leading with courage in politics & faith communities A prayer for grace in uncertainty and hope in the waiting Keywords: purity culture, Christian sexuality, feminist theology, Angela Harrington, deconstruction podcast, consent education, female embodiment, patriarchy in the church, women's leadership, deconstruction and faith, Where Do We Go From Here podcast   Angela J. Herrington — Website: angelajherrington.com angelajherrington.com+1 Angela Herrington — Book: Embracing the Old Witch in the Woods: Liberating Feminine Wisdom from Christian Patriarchy by Angela J. Herrington Google Books Sheila Wray Gregoire — Bare Marriage blog/article: "Are Obligation Sex and Marital Rape the Same Thing?" Bare Marriage France legal reform on consent — Article: "France's Assemblée Nationale backs bill adding consent to rape law" (Le Monde) lemonde.fr+1