Let's be honest. We've all felt jealous or envious at some point, whether it's watching a friend get something we desperately want, feeling left out of a friendship, or scrolling through social media wondering, Why not me? These are the big, bad emotions we don't love admitting to, but here's the thing: jealousy and envy are completely human, and they can actually be incredibly instructive. So why do we shame ourselves for feeling them?In this episode, we're unpacking the difference between jealousy and envy, including benign versus malicious envy, and how these feelings show up in female friendships, romantic relationships, careers, and especially at midlife. We're getting vulnerable about our own experiences with comparison, insecurity, and disappointment, and exploring how to use these uncomfortable emotions as information rather than letting them turn into resentment. We'll also talk about the impact of social media, emotional maturity, and why getting curious about what we really want might be the key to creating more fulfilling lives.Episode Highlights[0:40] - Why jealousy and envy get such a bad rap, and whether you can really be friends with someone who's jealous of you.[2:27] - Our earliest childhood memories of envy, jealousy, and wanting what someone else had.[4:06] - Colette's first-grade friendship drama, a painful lesson in shame, and the jealousy underneath it all.[7:25] - The difference between jealousy and envy, and why benign envy can be helpful while malicious envy can become toxic.[8:35] - How jealousy shows up in romantic relationships when we feel threatened or afraid of losing someone.[10:04] - Female friendships, competition, and why some women feel protective of their friendships or social status.[11:40] - Does jealousy always stem from insecurity? And what can these feelings teach us about ourselves?[14:17] - The difference between feeling jealous and acting on it, and why emotional maturity matters.[15:47] - When you're more invested in a friendship than the other person, and the painful reality of shifting relationships.[16:02] - Allies, companions, and pals: understanding our friendship circles and mismatched expectations.[18:21] - How social media fuels envy and keeps us comparing our lives to everyone else's highlight reel.[20:26] - Laura reflects on how her relationship with envy has changed with age and what still triggers those feelings.[23:14] - Colette gets vulnerable about her book launch, professional rejection, financial freedom, and watching others get opportunities she wanted.[26:16] - Laura shares her own experiences with envy around running, travel, and an entrepreneurial dream that didn't work out.[27:30] - Why envy reveals what we value and how to avoid getting stuck in resentment and a victim mindset.[29:18] - Remembering that the wheel of fortune turns for everyone and learning to focus on what we can control.[29:47] - When envy intersects with grief, miscarriage, divorce, or financial struggles, and why self-compassion and boundaries are essential.[31:06] - Midlife as an opportunity to ask: What's really worth wanting, and what's worth putting our energy into?[31:33] - How old emotional wounds can trigger jealousy in present-day relationships, even when we feel secure.[33:31] - Separating what we genuinely want from what social comparison tells us we're supposed to want.[34:08] - Moving from scarcity to abundance and recognizing that someone else's success doesn't take away our opportunities.[34:55] - What we're each craving more of in this season of life, from creativity and entrepreneurship to adventure, play, and lightness.[36:45] - Why taking a social media break might be one of the best things we can do for our emotional well-being.[37:53] - Final thoughts and a reminder to support the podcast.If today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share "Insights from the Couch" with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season.  Come join us—we’d love to have you!👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-bookRecognized by FeedSpot:Top 60 Couples Therapy Podcasts | Top 100 U.S. Mental Health Podcasts | Top 100 Relaxation Podcasts