Have you ever wondered why you keep choosing emotionally unavailable people, getting stuck in the same relationship patterns, or craving closeness while simultaneously being terrified of it? So much of what drives us in our adult relationships is happening beneath the surface—and often, the survival strategies that helped us as children become the unconscious patterns we repeat as adults.In this episode, we sit down with renowned psychoanalyst and bestselling author Dr. Galit Atlas to talk about her new book, Come Closer, and the six core childhood wounds we carry into adulthood: the frightened child, melancholic child, ashamed child, invisible child, guilty child, and chosen child. We get personal about our own childhood roles (because of course we do!) and explore emotional unavailability, parentification, shame, intimacy, vulnerability, and why understanding the child we once were can completely change the way we see ourselves and our relationships today.Episode Highlights[0:03] - Why do we keep repeating the relationship patterns we desperately want to change?[2:04] - Dr. Galit Atlas explains how childhood experiences, defenses, and survival strategies become adult relationship patterns.[4:11] - Laura gets personal about being both the “chosen” and “invisible” child—and how those roles still show up in adulthood.[6:06] - What psychoanalysis actually is and why what we see on the surface may be a defense against deeper feelings.[10:32] - Why part of us wants self-awareness while another part is really, really afraid of what we might discover.[13:58] - Meet the six childhood wounds—and why most of us carry more than one.[16:50] - The invisible child: the urge to disappear while secretly longing to be truly seen and known.[18:37] - The chosen child, parentification, and the complicated adult consequences of being a parent’s confidant or caretaker.[23:31] - Colette opens up about being her father’s confidant as a child and why feeling “special” can make the chosen-child dynamic so difficult to recognize.[26:14] - When childhood wounds overlap: being chosen, unseen, and emotionally responsible for others at the same time.[27:42] - Why we can desperately crave intimacy and still unconsciously choose relationships where true closeness feels impossible.[29:24] - Childhood wounds aren’t always trauma: how ordinary losses, family chaos, illness, divorce, and emotional disconnection shape us.[32:15] - The ashamed child, fear of rejection, cycles of blame, and the pursuit of the “perfect” partner.[35:54] - How do we actually heal? Giving the child inside us a “seat at the table” and hearing our story from their perspective.[39:57] - Recognizing when a wounded child has “the wheel” in our adult relationships.[41:13] - Why even years of therapy and self-work don’t mean we’re finished discovering our unconscious patterns.[42:50] - The melancholic child: unprocessed loss, separation anxiety, and the surprising ways childhood grief can repeat in adult relationships.[47:42] - How curiosity, compassion, and awareness can help us challenge old relationship patterns and move toward authentic self-acceptance.Links & ResourcesWild Analysis with Galit Atlas: wildanalysiswithgalitatlas.substack.comDr. Galit Atlas’ Website: www.drgalitatlas.comIf today's discussion resonated with you or sparked curiosity, please rate, follow, and share Insights from the Couch with others. Your support helps us reach more people and continue providing valuable insights. Here’s to finding our purposes and living a life full of meaning and joy. Stay tuned for more!Ever stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season.  Come join us—we’d love to have you!👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-bookRecognized by FeedSpot:Top 60 Couples Therapy Podcasts | Top 100 U.S. Mental Health Podcasts | Top 100 Relaxation Podcasts