In this episode, we sit down to talk about Colette's new book, The Cost of Quiet, and the patterns we see over and over again in couples therapy. We’ve watched brilliant, capable women slowly lose their voices in relationships, convincing themselves that staying quiet will keep the peace, all while resentment quietly builds. We unpack what really happens when conflict gets avoided, needs go unnamed, and emotional intimacy starts to erode. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “It’s not worth bringing up,” this conversation will challenge you to reconsider what that silence is actually costing you.Episode Highlights[00:48] Why writing The Cost of Quiet became a three-year mission[02:41] The common pattern we see in high-achieving women who stop speaking up[04:44] How conflict avoidance turns into self-abandonment[05:18] Introducing self-connected communication and what it actually means[08:22] The hidden cost of indirect communication in marriage[11:53] A real-life example of addressing a small hurt before it hardens[14:25] The 10 avoidant behaviors that quietly undermine connection[16:17] What “quiet quitting” a relationship really looks like[18:42] Emotional layaway and why avoidance never truly works[22:54] How attachment patterns shape the way we handle conflict[27:44] What to do when your partner responds with defensiveness or distance[28:19] The “3 D’s and an F” communication report card explained[35:18] When self-compassion becomes essential in hard conversations[37:49] How assertiveness can create a virtuous cycle in relationships[38:56] The difference between a surface marriage and emotional intimacy[41:00] Resources, tools, and what’s next as the book launchesLinks & ResourcesThe Cost of Quiet, available now: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-bookEver stayed quiet to keep the peace and felt yourself disappear? The Cost of Quiet is for anyone who avoids conflict and pays the price. Reclaim your voice, strengthen your relationships, and experience real peace. Order your copy and join the movement: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book🎙️ Love the podcast? Come talk about episodes with us inside The Midlife Chat. It’s a free, private community just for women at midlife who want to keep these conversations going. We’ve created this space for real talk, fresh resources, and honest connection—where you can share ideas and resources, ask questions, and get support from women navigating the same season. Come join us—we’d love to have you! 👉 Join The Midlife Chat here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/795863256460970/ Order The Cost of Quiet now! Colette’s new book, The Cost of Quiet: How to Have the Hard Conversations that Create Secure, Lasting Love, launched February 3rd. Order your copy today: https://www.colettejanefehr.com/new-book