"Dear Dr. Koepp, My husband is moving into memory care next week, a place he once made me promise I'd never put him. The staff told me not to visit for the first two weeks so he can settle in. Should I help him move in or let our kids do it, or do we all need to really stay away? It feels like I'm abandoning him, and I promised that I wouldn't. Where do I go from here?”  In this Dear Dr. Koepp episode, I answer a letter from a wife whose husband is moving into memory care, and who's been told by staff not to visit for the first two weeks. I've heard some version of this question for more than 20 years. I share what the research actually says, what I've learned as a geropsychologist, and the question I'd ask about any blanket "stay away" rule: who is it in service of? In this episode, you'll learn: ●     Whether the “don’t visit for two weeks” memory care rule is backed by research●     What transfer trauma (relocation stress) is, and why the first weeks in memory care are often hard●     What research says about family visits and involvement after a move to memory care●     How to decide whether to help your loved one move into memory care yourself●     How ambiguous loss, separation anxiety, and caregiver depression can show up after the move The bottom line: Don't stay away just because it's a blanket rule. Watch how your loved one does with you there, watch how you're doing, and plan accordingly. Both of you are going through a huge transition, and you both deserve support. Watch the video on YouTube: https://youtu.be/zOU99Aali00 Resources Mentioned: ●     Find a therapist who specializes in older adults and caregivers: https://www.mentalhealthandaging.com/find-a-geriatric-mental-health-care-provider-in-your-area●     Continuing education for professionals: https://courses.mentalhealthandaging.com/●     Transfer Trauma in Older Adults: https://www.mentalhealthandaging.com/transfer-trauma-in-older-adults-relocation-stress-identity-loss-and-how-therapy-can-help/●     Separation Anxiety in Older Adults: https://www.mentalhealthandaging.com/separation-anxiety-in-older-adults-what-every-clinician-needs-to-know/●     Full show notes, resources, and references: [ADD SHOW NOTES PAGE LINK] Have a question for Dear Dr. Koepp? Leave a voicemail or write in, and your question may air on a future episode: https://www.buzzsprout.com/952579/fan_mail/new Remember, it's only with your help that we can meet the mental health needs of older adults, so thank you for being here, and doing your part. This episode is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Have a question for Dr. Koepp? Text us here. PROFESSIONALS: Grab your free guide to working with older adults here Attention Social Workers, Therapists, Counselors, Psychologists, Aging Life Care Experts... Click here to get Continuing Education Credits