The US government may have avoided a shutdown, but Facebook did not! On Monday everyone’s least favorite data-mining, genocide-abetting tech behemoth had the longest shutdown in its history, less than a day after an explosive interview with a Facebook whistleblower aired on “60 Minutes.” We speculate on what Zuckerberg and his dirty partners were doing in their offline interim period and discuss what should be done about this mass surveillance and propaganda system posing as a social media site.