In this episode of Grief Out Loud, we talk with Adell Coleman about her mother who was killed when Adell was just 24 years old. Adell reflects on the closeness of their relationship and how her mom's death radically shifted her sense of safety in the world. She shares how the circumstances around her mother's death, including being the person who found her, has made it difficult to remember how her mom lived, without reliving how she died.  Adell also talks about what it's been like raising two daughters who never met their grandmother, but somehow carry her presence in surprising and meaningful ways. She reflects on anniversaries 14 years later, the exhaustion of grief, and how becoming the family "grief expert" interrupted her capacity to engage with her own grief.  The conversation closes with Adell describing how community, therapy, boundaries, and creative work - including her documentary and podcast, Echoes of Her: To Mom With Love - have helped her find language, connection, and space for her grief.   We discuss Losing a mother in young adulthood and feeling "not ready" to be an adult How violent death and trauma impact grief and memory  The challenge of accessing good memories when you are dealing with traumatic imagery  Parenting while grieving and helping children connect with a grandparent they never met  Anniversaries, emotional exhaustion, and grief over time  Becoming the family "grief expert" and having to put off personal grief  Finding community after loss and why the right support can take time  Creating meaning through storytelling, connection, and creative projects Adell's documentary and her new podcast, Echoes of Her: To Mom With Love  Connect with Adell Instagram: @iamadellcoleman  Podcast: Echoes of Her Threads: @iamadellcoleman Documentary: Echoes of Her: To Mom With Love Substack: On My Momma